Being a father

On April 16th 2009 my whole world changed and was turned upside down like a snow globe and shaken up then sat back down. I am still waiting for everything to settle down so I can redefine what normal is. I am starting to get into a routine and get used to having a demanding little person living in my house dictating my every move. Don't get me wrong, I love my son to death and he is the best thing in my life next to my relationship with God and my wife; I'm just saying every since he arrived life has been about him and he calls the shots. He lets me know when I am going to get up in the morning and throughout the night, what time he is hungry, what time he needs to be put down for a nap and the time to get up, when he needs to be changed, when I'm not entertaining him enough and when it's time to leave the restaurant because he's ready to go. If I don't heed the warning signs he lets me know about it with his own external alarm system which God made just loud enough and just annoying enough to make you move faster than you thought you ever could just to make it stop. I was thinking to myself one day a couple of weekends ago after I had put him down for a nap that God must be really smart because he HAD to make babies extra cute in order for us grown people to put up with the extreme demands and immediate response necessary for raising a new born baby. They are so freakin cute that you just can't be mad at them, for long at least. Good Plan God is what I was thinking cause I don't think I would have the same feeling taking care of a baby that had an ugly pig face. The fact that he looks just like me gives me just enough strength and patience to feel sorry for him because he's hungry again or his diaper is wet or whatever is wrong with him; I want to make him happy and for him to be comfortable. I love him so much that I just can't be mad at him.
Now I know what you are thinking; geez Brandon what's wrong with you? How can you be so critical and insensitive? It's just a baby, that's what they do; they are needy and they need constant attention and care. I know that NOW. Nobody could have ever explained to me what was going to happen to me once Christian was born. It's not possible for someone to prepare you for taking care of your own child. There aren't enough words in the English language to describe the amount of CHANGE that is going to take place once you bring a baby home. That's just the facts. You can buy everything you need, have his room all ready for him when he arrives, have a dresser full of clothes and diapers galore; but nothing can prepare you for the exaustion and the roller coaster ride of emotions that goes along with having a baby and bringing one home for the first time.
My wife worked with infants for 5 years at the Children's Court Yard, which is a daycare center in Flower Mound TX, so I really wasn't worried about bringing a baby home because she knew the drill and she was a vetern at this baby thing. I thought that she would take care of him and teach me what I needed to do to help out; man was I wrong. I should have gotten some tips or taken a class to prepare for what was about to happen to me because I wasn't ready at all when the baby came home. Nobody told me that after a woman gives birth to a baby that she is incapacitated, tired, cranky and in a ton of pain from just the labor itself. Nobody told me that because the mother is all of these things that the father, ME, will have to wait on the mother hand and foot and oh yea take care of the baby too while the mother recouperates. Like I said I was not prepared for what was happening all around me because I had never even held a baby before Christian was born much less fed one or change one or burp one etc. It was all new to me man and I would be lying to tell you that I wasn't freaking out a little bit. My prayer life took off around the time Christian was born! The day before he was born I was on the verge of having a heart attack because he was scheduled to be born a week later so I thought I had some time to prepare myself a little bit more and get my game face on. I had it all planned out with my vacation time at work and everything else. Then Vanessa called me at the office and told me that she was scheduled to be admitted to the hospital that night at 6:00PM because the baby was going to be born tomorrow. I almost fell out of my chair then ran around the office trying to tell everyone what was happening while finishing up my work as quickly as possible so I could head home and get packed up for what was sure to be a long night. That almost did me in because I wasn't prepared for that yet and I wasn't ready for what was about to happen; and that was just the labor and delivery that wasnt't even happening to me that was all Vanessa. I managed to stay concious throughout the labor and delivery and be there for my wife while she was going through unbearable trauma to her body and mind. 30 hours of labor is almost too much for anybody, even the people without uterses who are just there for support. Needless to say with all of that commotion going on and it all happening so fast without preperation I relyed on God to get me through every minute of every hour. I had been praying for God to help me stay awake for Vanessa and to be able to be there for her and our son while she was in labor because I had never been in any type of situation like that before in my life. The closest thing was being with someone while they were getting something pierced and I almost passed out during that so I couldn't imagine what was going to happen to me in this situation. I figured I would wake up in a wheelchair in a corner sometime after the baby was born and I would never live it down. SO I prayed for strength and courage and the ability to take care of my family and God granted me the strength to do it all. I was by Vanessa's side throughout the whole labor and delivery and I didn't get sick or light headed at all. God provided everything I needed. As I was walking around the hospital while they were checking Vanessa out the morning of Christian's birth I went into the gift shop and I found a little card that had the 23rd Psalm on it which gave me great courage and strength for the rest of the day. God led me through the valley and I didn't fear any evil because He was with me throughout the whole day and night and He is still with me everyday since.
I don't know what the future will hold but I know one thing; I am nothing without God. He is my strength; when I am my weakest He makes me strong and there is no denying that truth. I want to be a good role model for my son Christian and for my wife Vanessa. I pray everyday for strength and wisdom to be able to lead my family in the ways of the Lord and to teach them about God and show them what it means to be a follower of Christ through the way I live my life. I want to model Love and Grace to my family and Peace and Joy to everyone I meet. I don't know how I am going to do it or what lies ahead but I know for certain that everything is going to be ok and that I don't have to be able to see the future to know that because God is leading me in the paths of Righteousness. God is described as a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. I don't need to see the whole future, all I need to see is a little bit ahead of me where God is leading me to know I am going the right direction. I love being a father!! Christian is my flesh and blood and he is my little mini me. He is cute, sweet, loveable, hugable and he laughs at just about anything I do and loves it when I come home and play with him. He looks just like me and him coming into this world has been the greatest blessing that God has ever given me because he made Vanessa and I a complete family. Being a father can be scary and can leave you feeling inadiquate at times because there is so much that you need to do to be the MAN of the house and breing a MAN isn't something that they teach you either but as I read the bible more and study I am picking it up and getting the hang of it. Being a father is my calling and I can't wait to see what the future holds.