"The kind of people you follow will determine the kind of person you become, and ultimately the people you will lead. Let me say that differently. You imitate and try to duplicate the people you follow, because you want to be like them. You feel they are most like who, what and how you want to be. By imitating them, you are becoming like the way they are in acton and spirit. You get to pick who you follow, but you do not get to pick who will follow you. Remember who, what, and how you become, those that follow you will also become. Be sure you are following the right people, a lot of people behind you are counting on you to help them become better."
**Leadership Thinking: Doing the right things for the right reasons because I'm a Leader.
**Normal Thinking: I do what I want because that is all that is important to me.
Rick Woolever
Such a great word of wisdom this morning from Rick Woolever!! This is so true, and something I'm very blessed to have learned before my kids were born. I know i'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I try to be INTENTIONAL about what I say and do around my family; because I know they are all watching me and I am the example of who they want to be like when they grow up. Most people go through life just selfishly thinking only of themselves, using the famous Popeye copout "I am who I am." They think that it doesn't matter how they act, because that's just who they are and everyone else just needs to deal with it. I imagine that's how most people live their lives in the world, unless they have received this special download of wisdom. The main part of this "Thought" that I adopted before Christian was born has to do with LOVE. Pastor Keith Craft puts it this way, "Great LOVERS aren't great just because they were born that way. Great LOVERS are GREAT, because they CHOOSE to love people the way THEY NEED to be loved." Most people just show love the way they naturally feel love. If I feel loved when someone buys me a gift and that's what makes me feel special, the normal person will buy people gifts or things or give them money THINKING that, because thats what makes THEM feel loved, the other person will feel loved and special too. The problem with this, is that not everybody feels special and loved the same way. Some people like physical touch like a hug or a kiss, or they need words of affirmation or to be encouraged that they are special and loved, and some people don't want anything except your time and the only thing that really says I love you to them is when you make them feel special by choosing to spend time with them instead of doing something else. A GREAT LOVER finds out what says I LOVE YOU to the other person, and they are intentional about doing whatever that is; and they intentionally do it consistently on a regular basis to build the other person up and fill up their "Love Bank." This is the basis for great relationships, especially a great marriage. Being intentional about making sure your partners "Love Bank" is full is the solution to so many of the stupid problems married people have, especially the petty fighting and bickering about every little thing. I can say with full confidence and authority that this statement is true because I have been experimenting with it since the beginning of February of this year. I've been practicing this for years now, but it was more sporadic and not as consistent as i've been doing it for the past 4+ months. I learned a long time ago that Vanessa's top love language was words of affirmation and the 2nd is physical touch, she loves to get her back scratched every night (Christian does too, go figure). She has always loved the "Love Is cartoons" for as long as i've known her. So every day, since the beginning of February, I've sent her a text message with 1 of these Love Is cartoons, along with a sweet message saying I love you and thanking her for everything she does. I post sweet things on her facebook page, write her little poems, etc... My life has never been so good as it has been over the past 4 months, and all of her friends husbands are probably hating me right now too because she is always telling her friends everything I do. I just set a reminder in my phone that pops up everyday at 9am to remind me to do this simple thing that takes about 2 minutes out of my entire day, but lets her know that I'm thinking about her and I love her enough to make her a priority. If everyone would do something like this consistently every day, everyone would be a lot happier and relationships would be much better. It's when people get selfish that relationships break apart, doing something like this everyday is like pouring concrete over your marriage, it will never break apart and will only get stronger over time. The hardest part is getting over doing something like this without expecting anything in return. You can't start something like this and expect the other person to do the same things back, or anything for that matter. There's always 1 person in the relationship that is naturally a better "Lover" than the other, you just have to choose to be that person and know that you aren't doing this for you; you're doing this for the other person to make them feel special and loved. You have to be secure enough in your own heart and mind to be able to give love without receiving anything back in return. It might not happen right at once, which can be frustrating if you think selfishly. But over time, whatever walls that had been built up for whatever reason, will begin to be torn down little by little, until they're completely gone and their heart is exposed again and it begins to fill up with love. This principal can be applied to just about anything and any type of relationship, all it takes is a desire to: be your best, have a great relationship, put others before yourself and the heart to follow through and be consistent. Any simple gesture, done consistently, will have the same effect. It just shows that you care enough to take time every day to prove your love for that special person in your life. Take the time to find out what their love language is, and start speaking it to them every day and see what happens. I promise you, you'll be happy you did!!
Set the example in your house of what love looks like, lead by example especially if you have children; they're looking up to you to show them what a healthy relationship looks like. Choose to be a leader, take the first step and keep moving forward, little eyes are watching everything you do and it's up to you to lead them in the right direction.
This post is dedicated to my parents, I love you guys!! Thank you for being great examples of what a marriage should look like!! I'm so blessed to have 2 parents who have been by each others side through thick and thin, sickness and health and everything else. You are the reason I am able to give and receive love so easily and I have a healthy view on relationships too. Thank you for staying together for all these years and for being such great role models in my life!! I love you!!!
God Bless,
Brandon Hayes
