The 23rd Psalm

I have this lamanated card on my desk at the office that I got at the hospital where my son was born that has the 23rd Psalm on 1 side in the King James and a picture of Jesus with some sheep on the other side displaying him as the good shepherd. This card holds a lot of personal value and meaning to me because I found it when I was going through one of the most difficult times in my life which was preparing for the birth of my little boy. I understand that I wasn't the one who had to push the baby out and go through the intense labor pains but the situation for me was very agonizing because of the ramifications of what was about to happen; I was about to become a father to another human being!!! That thought entered my brain first when we found out Vanessa was pregnant and I was excited but the reality of the situation hadn't set in yet. Over the next few months we went to dr's appointments and got the ultrasounds with pictures and videos of the little squirt, we heard the heartbeat and saw him move around but for some reason it still hadn't hit me yet what was about to happen to my life. Now I want to pause right here for a moment and make a statement that I don't know the answer to but I have a pretty good idea that it could be a generality in the male population. I don't believe that men can really understand the enormous responsibility of being a father until the baby is here or at least until really close to the delivery date because we are not carrying the baby in our bellies nor have we been thinking about being a father our whole lives. I had never been around babies before ever in my life, I hadn't even held a baby of any size or age before I held my son on the day he was born; so I had no idea what I was in store for or what was about to happen. My only concerns when Vanessa and I started talking about having kids were financial concerns. I was afraid that we weren't ready to support a baby or that we couldn't afford for her to stay home with the baby instead of having to go to work. I didn't want my baby to have to be raised by someone else at a daycare and I knew that she really wanted to be able to stay home and take care of our child too so I had my doubts. These are all valid concerns that I had and if I didn't have those concerns I would be worried about myself or anyone else who is thinking about having kids because you don't need any additional stress; just having a baby in the house is stressful enough. I got over all of those concerns and I was trusting God to take care of our needs like He always had so I put those in His hands and watched Him work in our lives by providing us enough money for Vanessa to stay home by helping one of her friends out from work by taking care of her baby too during the day. So those issues were solved and prayers were answered but about a month or so before Christian was scheduled to be born I had a whole NEW wave of insecurities blow in that almost floored me and gave me a nervous breakdown.
Up to this point all I was worried about was being able to afford the baby and the financial aspect of everything; I was married to a professional when it came to taking care of a baby so I didn't really feel uncomfortable about that and everything else was taken care of. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks; this little guy is going to call me his FATHER and I am going to have to raise him. WHAT??? (imagine my voice really loud and in a high pitched tone)
I am going to be this little guy's role model and his hero, he is going to look up to me for everything and he is going to rely on me to teach him everything I know. What am I going to teach him? How am I going to raise this little man up to be a man of God and teach him how to fear and reverence the God of the Universe? How am I going to steer my son down the right path which leads to a saving relationship with Jesus and keep him from falling into the traps and pitfalls that I fell into which have caused so much pain and disappointment in my past life? How am I going to be all of this for this little man when I can barely take care of myself sometimes? You can see the flood of questions that hit me and knocked me down to my knees wondering how I can ever measure up to be the man he deserves in his life as his father. These questions are still on my mind to this day and they always will be. That's where the little card with the 23rd Psalm comes in.
We were at the hospital a week early because Vanessa was having blood pressure issues and the dr decided that we should just go ahead and get our son out so we don't have any complications. I was not prepared for this to come early because I thought I had a whole week before I had to be ready for this so needless to say I was a little more than flustered. I was walking around mumbling nonsense trying to get out of my office and home so we could leave to go to the hospital and once we got there I never really calmed down because my wife was already in pain and the whirlwind had begun. We made it through the night with a lot of interruptions because Vanessa was in a lot of pain and couldn't sleep so I was pretty tired the next morning when I got up and had to get my game face on for the fun filled day of excitement that was ahead of us. When it was time for Vanessa to get her epidural I immediately left the room because I couldn't stand to see the size of the needle they were about to use on her so I took a walk to clear my mind and get ready for what was about to happen. I was scared out of my mind at the possibilities of what could take place over the next couple of hours; all of the different scenarios were playing through my mind like they always do, thinking about the worst possible things that could happen. The complications she could have, something happening to her, something happening to my son, wondering if I was going to pass out during the middle of it all and wind up in a room myself; the list goes on and on. I was about to start hyperventilating when I found myself in the hospital gift shop looking at a row of cards with bible verses on them. I started reading through them and I came across the 23rd Psalm. The 23rd is Vanessa's birthday and her lucky number and it was my baseball number in high school so the number holds some meaning for us both. I had never read the Psalm before that I could remember, I knew what the Lords Prayer was but I had certainly never seen it before in the King James version so I was intrigued. There's something about the King James version that gives things a certain spark and a little more meaning than some of the other newer translations. I don't have a King James bible because I find it a little hard to read, especially the old testament; but I love this verse in the KJV. I purchased the card and began walking around the hospital as many times as I could to calm down. I must have been outside for about an hour it seems just reading and re-reading the card and speaking every word in a prayer to God completely opening myself up to Him with every word. I read,"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want, He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for Thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: Thou anointest my head with oil: my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. AMEN" It seems like all in one moment my fears were put aside, my mind was relieved of the pressure and tension I was buckling under and I felt a peace come over me that everything was going to be ok and that I didn't need to worry anymore. I knew that God was watching over me and my family and that everything was going to be ok so I could go back into Vanessa's room and say that with confidence and support her with the knowledge that God told me that everything would be ok and not to worry. I honestly can't tell you that this has ever happened to me before but I really do feel like God spoke to me through this card because I have never had a scripture speak to me or influence me like the 23rd Psalm did for me that day. It was like God was speaking to me directly in my situation through this little card that I could have never seen if I wasn't walking around the hospital aimlessly. This Psalm will always hold a special meaning for me and my family and it will be a reminder that God is always watching over me and He is always here for me anytime I am in need or whatever I'm going through.
I was walking through the valley of the shadow of death in the sense that I was losing my mind with worry and I was afraid of what could happen and what was going to happen. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to be there to help Vanessa and that everything was out of my control and that there was nothing I could do if there were any complications. The thought of there being nothing I could do to help her and the uncertainty of the whole situation was tearing my brains apart not to mention the thoughts I was having about not being ready to be a father or not measuring up for my son. It was the darkest valley I had been in but God shown His light into the situation and showed me that I didn't have to be everything all at once. He was going to show me the way, He is going to point me in the right direction and give me the opportunity to grow in my faith and stature as a man and if I will walk with Him and ask for His wisdom then my God will provide. That was a prophetic statement for my life because I was really getting scared and I was afraid that I wasn't going to be good enough for my family but God let me in on a little secret that nobody changes over night. It takes time and effort to change and to become more like Christ, it's not something that happens just because you want it to. The fact that I'm so concerned about it shows that I am on the right track and I will not stop ever. I am determined to live my life striving for Excellence in every area of my life but especially in my relationship with my heavenly Father so I can show Christian what being a man of God is all about. I want to portray the image of what a Christian is for my son because he is going to look up to me and I want him to have a role model worthy of following. It's a daunting task and it's one that I have to ask for strength from God for everyday of my life. I am making an intentional effort to change my life from the inside out not only for myself but for my son and my wife because they are my responsibility and they deserve to have a man who is respectable to lead them into the future and that comes from me first humbling myself before God Almighty and having Him raise me up to be a MIGHTY WARRIOR for my family.
Psalms 23 holds and will always hold a special place in my heart because this little card symbolizes a turning point in my life that I see more clearly in retrospect than I did at the time. I was on the verge of defeat and God raised me up and elevated my mind to see Him and hear Him at a point of weakness in a very crucial hour. I struggle everyday with self doubt and a fear of failure for myself and for my family but I ask God to strengthen me and to give me wisdom and He always comes through. I will continue to trust God all of the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever because that's where my strength comes from. I know the next years of my life are going to be challenging and everyday will be an uphill battle but Christ Jesus didn't have a walk in the park kinda life and as Christians we can expect the same but that's what grows our faith in our God. I challenge you to find your strength in God no matter what you are going through because God will LEAD you THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death and you will have hard times but He will never leave you in the valley; you will always be lead through the valley to the other side where you can stand upon the mountaintop and see what you went through and how your heavenly Father helped you and appreciate the good times that much more. God bless all of you my friends today and thank you for being a part of my life. I am the luckiest man in the world today and I am blessed beyond imagination. God's blessing to you...